What you could never be.

So, thinking back to 15 years ago, you said that you wouldn’t ever walk away from your child. You would provide and love the child until your death. You would be there for your child. You would make sure your child would get to college. You would walk that child down the aisle when they decided to get married.  You wouldn’t be like your dad. When you said those things, did you mean them? Did you stop to think about your future and what your stupid decisions would get you?  Did you stop and think that maybe YOUR future would change when you decided to be a prick and put your hands on me? Did you think about that when you decided to do it again and again? Even to ANOTHER woman after me?

Selfish, ignorant, stupid, STUPID person you were and remain to be. I thought that when you said those things, you meant them. Why can’t I get that out of my head?! LIAR!!! LIAR!! Piece of shit. Oops, was I not supposed to actually write that? Was I supposed to lie like you, and make you actually sound like a wonderful proud papa? Um, I think not.

So as the story goes on, I am a happy person now, long down the road with the same partner 13 wonderful years later. I found a family who does the things you and your family can’t do. Love the children unconditionally, be there for them, give them things you could never give them. Be what you could never be.

A parent, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins… they actually know. They have grown with. Also they have stability.   Something you could never do either. Stay on your feet, in one place longer than a month at a time.   Not for you though, sad, sad situation. And even now, no stability for you. Why do you choose this for yourself? Will you ever grow up? Will you ever care? Not likely, you seem to enjoy jail and your mothers couch.

Ah, who needs ya?  When or if you ever get to that point… these kids won’t need you. They don’t now actually. I don’t want to speak for them, but trust me, they don’t. They are happy, smart, beautiful little girls and you missed out on the best moments. Screw you and your choices.
They spent those moments with a family that actually cares. That could be all that you never were. All that you could never be.

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