I’ll take BRCA2+ & “You have Lung Cancer”, Alex.

 

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 Bear with me as I ramble with this post. Its all new and scary to me. Let me first start with cancer sucks. It sucks so terribly, its painful, it tears people up… BUT; there ARE strong ones out there, amazingly BRAVE WARRIORS. I have always had such admiration for them.  Cancer still though, sucks…. 

  Let me catch you up to speed with my story…  After what I thought was just pneumonia after 3+ weeks,  I went to the E.R. and was put through multiple tests.  First, chest x-ray, then lots of blood work, then they ask for consents to draw more blood…. I instantly feel my nerves begin to fray… Of course then here comes radiology to ask me to follow for CT with contrast… then 3 hrs later; not what I wanted to hear… “Leanna, we are afraid to tell you that you have a mass on your right lower lobe approximately 1 1/2 in and we are concerned for you, please think of staying to get this looked into further in the morning… ” I sat there petrified in my skin, thinking how this could be happening was just wrong. No, not me.. I did all that I could, I was preventative, I had a PBM two years earlier, I had a hysterectomy, I became a “Previvor”.. but now you tell me I have a mass on my lung??! No, just no. I just cried. I called home, explained to my family what was going on, I stayed overnight and then had a bronchoscopy the next morning had biopsies taken from multiple places (weirdest feeling ever while IV consciously sedated) and waited… Four days went by… slowly, my mind was racing, I wasn’t sleeping, I was scared. Fear is awful. Then at around 9am that fourth morning *3/12/15* my pulmonary specialist called me and asked to see me in his office before I was to see my oncologist that day at 4pm… I was nauseated. We drove to his office at 1 pm where I was told those  words no one ever wants to hear… ” As you could tell by my voice on the phone it wasn’t wonderful, Leanna, its malignant.. your test results are malignant…” I fell to my knees. My partner holding my hands the entire time.  This is NOT fair. Bullshit. TOTAL BULLSHIT. Why? after all I have given and now you want my fucking lungs? Fuck you cancer. You will not win.  Yet the anger remains. I will fight, I will not give in, I may have bad days, I may feel sad, I may feel lots of emotions.. but as I breathe, I will hope…  so after a pet scan, MRI with and without contrast, more labs I am now waiting to see a surgeon to have a mediastinoscopy to have my nodes checked. So lets play a game,   I’ll take BRCA2+ with a side of Lung Cancer please, Alex. But,  I WILL win this one. 

2 thoughts on “I’ll take BRCA2+ & “You have Lung Cancer”, Alex.

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