Daily rants from a mad woman…

Things have changed in so many ways. My dad and I are talking again. I had my 38th birthday and my best friend/cousin took me out. It was fun and my body needed it…. lots of laughs!!! So far my tumors haven’t grown and I’m in the process of having another CT scan to see what’s going on in my chest an lower areas. I can’t explain to you or anyone else what it feels like to know you’re going to lose your life, how scary it is. Although I know the people who love me and my caretaker they get it. They really do. They don’t push me. And I don’t know how it feels to them. I’m still breathing. I’m still in chemotherapy (carboplatin & alimta) if that doesn’t work, it will be Opdivo. I will NEVER give up. It just all hits you so hard, ya know?? Days go by I don’t think of my cancer at all. And then I have days where all I want to do is scream, cry, and beat my head into a wall. But I cant. I have two daughters and the love of my life that stick to me like glue. I don’t and am not ready yet. Too much to stick around for. I’m so proud of my kids, love them to infinity; and it makes everything come together in my mind of not giving up. And that I AM WORTH IT, & I have HOPE. Even though my doctor’s haven’t told me that I’m terminal, they have said that there’s no cure. So I still pray for a miracle from God, not just for me but for A CURE, I will stay here and FIGHT!!! Those of you that love me, don’t give up on me on my bad days or as I say just leave me alone… Keep praying. I wanna stay & play!!!