And the bottom falls out. (Of my bubble) 

Lets add more meds, Potassium, EVEN MORE steroids, to cover brain swelling that my radiation oncologist believes is just radiation swelling forming a spot…. (the size of 5 dimes stacked) -platelets falling, hemoglobin shot feels like a little to one but to one like me feels like the world is crumbling around them. Like you have to live in a bubble. You have to watch your step so you don’t fall, don’t use cutlery or you could bleed out. Staying in a store almost makes you want to be wheeled out on a stretcher because you’ve become so tired you need down time for the next so many days following.  I hate it. I just want my fun fast paced life back. 

Listen, I’m not trying to bitch… It’s just hard. Relying on the ones that I love to help so much with the smallest of things.  Laundry,  dishes,  sweeping, trash, something I love to do in the winter shovel the walk. However; with the steroids WOW those keep me up at night  and I can’t think, sleep, or anything that requires brain “smarticles”. I think I’m Superwoman and can hide that I rearrange my cabinets and dust and wipe the walls and such at night where I won’t get caught.  But it hasn’t happened yet.  Then though, after doing all these things I am in so much physical pain it’s literally ridiculous.  I should be able to do that, right?? WRONG.  

Music has always been my therapy along with driving and driving is gone for the moment as well. I guess writing does something constructive with my time. With each sentence a tear falls. With that being said; as always I’ll grab a tissue and keep that hope and believe that I’m not done yet. Hold on. Always holding on and never letting go of hope. Ever. And this anchor ⚓ will not sink.

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