I’m Alive

Why have I been such a bitch lately? I’ll tell you why. These steroids are taking over how I breathe, how I think, how I interpret others, how I see things.  AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about making someone with head issues worse. I realize why I need them, but seriously… my mood is driving my family crazy. Not to mention chemo brain…

So here we are back to CT today to take pretty pictures of my insides to compare before and after I start my new therapy. 

 I am going onto immunotherapy:  Opdivo   because my bone marrow is just too tired to continue on regular chemotherapy. I have been told it has its side effects but so does soap, and food and trees, cats, dogs, and anything else out there in our lives. I HAVE to try something and my oncologist really thinks this will be good for me while my marrow heals in the  meantime. I am shy about this and excited at the same time.  I can always go back to chemo afterwards. I have spent almost 4 years of my life on chemo, but I believe I’ll be alright.  I also believe you have to have a certain trust with your oncologist and nurses. I absolutely do. 

Sometimes I sit and think about the people who say “I think of you all the time!, or I’ll pray for you”. I wonder if they really do, because in my cancer community I care for and think of  and pray for them as much as I can. We need it. I am so grateful for who I have in my life. I choose who I have in my life in my circle of friends, the ones who pay attention, and ask questions, ask about my kids. You know, the real guys and gals that love us…  And just recently found out a friend of mine from high school was diagnosed with leukemia so we battle on together. Crazy how things happen, you never think its going to be you.  But it very well could be you. Pay attention to your body, it may not be just a cough or tummy ache, you might not be having just headaches, talk to someone. Be proactive. 

And try and remember those who ARE helping you and loving you even when you aren’t loveable- you know, your caregiver {the most}; your friends and family who listen to you babble on when you’re having  a bad day… let them know what they mean to you an how much you love them. Today I am going to focus on the fact that I have done this and I will continue because so far, I’M ALIVE! 


UPDATE: I will NOT be on Opdivo due to the amazing report we just got. read next blog. 




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